A person who builds his comfort on the fatigue of the others falls in various sins :
• A person who entertains himself by making fun of the others, taking somebody as a material of fun and ridicule! This may hurt that person’s feelings, especially if he was under the authority or power of the person who makes fun of him who may also be more eloquent, smart, or quick-witted. He only wants to be happy, to laugh, and to gain the admiration of the others, and to make them laugh even at the expense of that poor person. This may apply to make fun of a group of person or of the citizens of a certain country.
A person who likes to show up as very learned by proving that the others are ignorant.
• To show up he may present new concepts or compare between his own views and those of the others to prove to them that he understands more, knows more, or is right and all of them are wrong. He may present a fact which everybody believes and says it is wrong and it is he who discovered that. If this happens in the field of dogma that person will fall in a heresy, because a heresy is a new thing introduced against the sound belief. Amazing indeed that such a person thins that he is making a renewal by which he builds his own glory, while in fact he causes confusion to the others and wastes the time of those who are responsible to refute his views !
Using loud speakers.
• An example is a person who uses in a wedding party loud speakers transmitting songs and noise to all the district. He feels happy, but the loud noise may annoy a patient or disturb a student or a writer or someone need for rest and sleep. Another person may disturb others by an open cassettes in a means of public transport, caring for his own enjoyment. Also some people may visit others during exams, and enjoy their time with much noise at the expense of those who study for the exams.
The Telephone calls :
• Some people call and continue talking not caring whether you are busy or not, have some guests or sitting alone. Though you try to tell such a person that you are busy but he never minds. A spiritual person, on the contrary, asks first if you have time and how much time you can give for such a call or a visit.
Smoking:
• A person who smokes comforts himself but disturbs the others, and in facts he does harm to himself and to them. Likewise, a person who drives a car which fills the air with exhaust, or builds a factory in a residence area, causing environment pollution and noise.
Visiting monasteries and hermits.
• A spiritual person visits a monastery for spiritual benefit and tries his best to keep the calmness of the monastery and respects the comfort of the monks who left the noise of the world. The opposite happens when people come in a trip and make much noise, moving from one place to another and their children playing and making noise in the monastery. The monks become annoyed, and if they prevent visits during the fast, people begin to complain and try to get an exception. Such people care only about their own rest rather than the rest of the monks and the calmness of the monastery.
This point reminds me of a story told about Pope Theoplilus :
• That saintly Pope once wanted to visit Amba Arsanius the hermit in Sheheit Desert, but when the latter knew, he said : “If the Pope come I will open the door for him, and if I opened I would not close it against anyone, and if I opened to everybody, I will not be able to stay her.” When the Pope heard that he said: “It is better not to visit him, but we appear as if driving him away from the place.” And he only asked for the saint’s prayers preferring the rest of that saint to his own rest.
Some people, on the contrary, when hearing about a hermit, press on him by their visits and talks, not leaving him a chance to have the spiritual benefit of his solitude.
Let this be a lesson for visits in general.
• Even visits among families or ordinary people should be limited in time and extent, and in the type of take exchanged, and should be with prior appointment so that the host may not be detained from his work or his privacy broken. Some people, however, do not care about the time and involvements of the others, and even accuse them of discouraging them.
The talks in the visits may be on trouble some subjects.
• Such talks may not be pleasant to others, or even spiritually harmful. Examples of such talks are the conduct of some people, disputes with them, policies and news, harmful or sinful knowledge, the secrets of some people. They may even feel displeased if they do not know those secrets! The visit of such people is unpleasant.
The same may happen when going to the father confessor.
• There may be a long line waiting to confess, but a person stays long with the father priest, not caring about the others nor about the time, the health, and the exhaustion of the father priest.
We should care about the others in whatever we say.
• A spiritual person thins of the others rather than of himself in any word he utters, so that it may be for the edification, comfort, and benefit of the listener. He never intrudes on the others secrets, except if asked to hear them and give an advice or a solution, and never say things that disturb or confuse the others..
• A spiritual person cares about the time of the person listenening to him, and notices his features during the talk, if he is annoyed or embarrassed and does not press on him. Also in meetings, a spiritual person should not take the whole time for himself, but gives the others an opportunity to speak and express themselves.
The stumbling blocks :
• Take for instance a young woman who seeks to appear beautiful and comely, even if this offends the others. She exaggerates in putting on jewelry in a way that kindles the others’ jealousy and envy, only to be the prettiest of all. A spiritual person, on the contrary, when invited to a party adorns herself moderately in order not to cause discomfort to the others.
Therefore, do not let the mirror lead your behavior, but the purity of the heart and the caring about the feelings of the others.
• Another example is the person who comes from abroad and insists to get married during the Holy Lent, and presses on the church threatening to marry in a Protestant or a catholic church! But the church cannot agree to a wrong action, because according to the church law the fast days are days of asceticism and no joyful tunes are chanted. Such is rest at the expense of the fatigue of the others, and is not true rest, whereas a person ought to begin the marital life with the blessing of the church, not by embarrassing the church and violating the laws and the spirituality of the fast.
Many of the marriage problems are due to the rest one party takes at the expense of the other.
• An example is the wife who exhausts her husband with things beyond his financial ability, or asks for a high standard of living beyond his power. Another example is the children who do not care for the ability of their parents. There is also the jealous husband who restricts the freedom of his wife in a tiresome way to please himself or on the other hand the wife who is always jealous and bad-tempered, turning the house to distress and quarrels unreasonably.
Some people show up their knowledge to embarrass the others.
• Such people may address certain questions to show that none beside them knows their answers. Others mention some terms or references to prove the ignorance of the others, or use some foreign words and explain their translation to show that the others are wrong; all this to show up, not caring about the others.
Some seniors do not leave a chance for the junior.
• This may appear among some professors, journalists, businessmen, or even among the members of the church councils.
When a person introduces a new useful invention he may find resistance and criticism, or at least discouragement.
There are some cashiers of societies, organizations, or churches who do not allow spending money, so that the funds increase at his hands.
• Such a cashier does not care for activities, projects, or services for the poor! He cares only for the money in his charge and boasts of that, accusing the others of dissipation and extravagance!
Many sins are caused by “one’s rest at the expense of the others”.
• Examples of these sins are : stealing, fraud, usury, unlawful gain, tax evasion, overburdening the others to give rest to oneself, undercutting wages of the laborers to increase one’s wealth, and receiving bribery, and all types of oppression, forced labor, and depriving people of their rights. Those are like Ahab who fabricated a charge against Naboth the Jezreelite to take his land (1 Kgs 21).
Examples of victims are included in such sins.
• A person, for instance, commits a crime and accuses someone else of it, or an owner of a company burdens an employees with all responsibilities to be free, or someone accuses another falsely, like Potiphar’s wife who accused Joseph the Righteous to save herself (Gen 39).
Another person may press on the nerves of the others to relieve himself !
• Such a person pours his nervousness in wrath, insults and curses to relieve himself, not caring about the other person and how far can he bear all that. Another person may use his authority to annoy the others, or show haughtiness, disregard or contempt towards them, not caring about their feeling.
• This also applies to competitions and some wrong ways to gain victory over the others! Also some organizations try to destroy other organizations by any means. In the crowds everybody wants to reach his goal even by hindering the others, and regrettably this may happen during the Holy Communion. Sometimes also in a meeting someone stands to see better not caring if this may hinder the others from seeing.
It seems that we forget the words of the Scripture:
“In honor giving preference to one another.” (Rom 12:10)
• A spiritual person knows that the real rest in the comforting of one’s conscience, sacrificing oneself and everything to make the others comfortable, and putting in mind that one’s rest in eternity shall be through comforting the others on earth.