WATANI International
9 October 2011
“I” versus “Not I”
The “Ego” and pride go together on the same deviating way, and they both fall in one pit away from God##s and people##s love. The ego falls while attempting to appear and to receive honors and more rights, worldly and ecclesiastically. The ego is not confined to the person, but extends to whatever relates to the person. The feeling of belonging, boasting and bias to one##s family, country, team … etc., whether on the individual or the party level, reveals clearly the ego.
The ego desires to receive everything, or at least the best things. Such a desire seems to be a disease beginning from early childhood!
Though we see the children as “angels”, yet the ego prevails over the majority of them. A child is trapped in self-love, and this in turn leads to jealousy and selfishness, and a desire to have all love and pampering wholly for himself, and gets annoyed if the mother loves or pampers another child. A newly born babe is considered by the child a competitor depriving him of part of his parents## care. A nice toy in the hands of another child may make a child cry and try to take it from him. It is the ego and its problems!
The parents usually try to flatter the child to release the pressure of the ego on him.
They may keep saying, ##you are the most beautiful boy/girl in the world. None is like you”. They continue praising and giving gifts to satisfy the self-realization attitude within the child and decrease the wars and problems of the ego! They also may try to convince the child to befriend other children and to give them gifts which the parents give him so that everything may be through him, and the ego feel pleased and gratified.
Such self-love continues with the child as he grows up, creating within him a kind of pride.
Bringing up children needs much wisdom in order to save them from the ego throughout the various stages of their lives. We should teach a child how to grow in virtue and spirituality, until he attains humbleness when adult. It is not an easy task, for it needs experience in education and in spiritual guidance.
An adult who keeps gratifying the ego and seeking to get everything is one who still has the psycho-diseases of childhood. The ego continues to be his focus: What will he be? When will he realize it? How to do it? How to be great and to excel others?
The ego to such a person turns into an idol for worship, and prevails in every aspect of his life, even in church ministry! In whatever such a person does for the service of the church or the society, his ego will be there seeking distinction, imposing opinions, attempting to be the first or the only one and the others mere followers!
Even in prayer the ego cares about how to make the others admire one##s prayer, and dreams of getting the admiration of everybody when the prayer is responded to! If the prayer is not responded to, that person will blame the Lord for disappointing his ego!
Even in the usual dealings such a person may impose the ego idol on the others to worship!
He wants the others to worship, to praise, and to obey his ego as he himself does! He will resist whoever opposes the desires of that ego, considering him an enemy, for not ratifying his desire for honor and pride!
The ego is often the cause of controversies and divisions. God may deliver such a person from the danger the ego causes to him and to the others, but a person has to find means to avoid such danger.
In the field of theology and teaching, the ego may make a person boast of his spiritual superiority, saying, ##I am already renewed; I am cleansed, sanctified, and justified; I am sure of attaining the kingdom of heaven; the devil is under my feet, I tread on him with all my power and drive him away! See how the word “I” is repeated for boasting!
On the other hand such a person never mentions the work of the grace, the human weakness and fallibility, nor the words of the Scripture about Elijah the great prophet, that he was a man with a nature like ours, and “he prayed earnestly that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the land for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit.” (Jas 5: 17, 18)
It is so bad that man benefits of the gifts of the grace and boasts of them but does not give credit to the work of grace nor admits his own weakness. The word “I” is on the contrary used by the father prophets, apostles, and saints to express humbleness and heart-contrition.
God blessed Abraham the Patriarch and made a blessing, in him all the families of the earth would be blessed (Gen 12: 2, 3), but in spite of all this when he used the word “I”, he said, “I who am but dust and ashes …” (Gen 18: 27)!
David the Prophet likewise had great favor in God##s sight, and God brought big victory through him over Goliath (1 Sam 17), yet when they proposed to him to marry the king##s daughter, he said, “Does it seem to you a light thing to be a king’s son-in-law, seeing I am a poor and lightly esteemed man?” (1 Sam 17; 18: 23) and in his Psalms he admitted many times his weakness and asked God##s mercy on him (Ps 6: 2).
John the Baptist, though the greatest of those born of women (Mt 11: 11), said to the Lord, “I need to be baptized by You”, and to the people he said, “He who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry.” (Mt 3: 14, 11; Lk 3: 16)
Paul the great apostle, who was caught up to the third heaven (2 Cor 12: 2), speaking about the appearance of the Lord to him after the Resurrection, said, “Then last of all He was seen by me also, as by one born out of due time; for I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.” (1 Cor 15: 8, 9) Such is the proper use of the word “I”, with the spirit of contrition.
Usually teachers boast before their disciples, but Saint Paul the Apostle with the same spirit spoke properly about himself to his disciple Timothy, saying, “Although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.” (1 Tim 1: 13) Moreover, when speaking about his being caught up to the third heaven, he did not use the word “I” but said, “I know a man in Christ” (2 cor 12: 2) He did not say, “I” when speaking of matters that might bring glorification, but used it when admitting his faults.
The main concern of the holy fathers was to receive glories in heaven, not on earth.
They kept in mind, in fear, the repeated words of the Lord concerning glory of the ego in this short present life and those who receive praise from the others here on the earth, “Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward.” (Mt 6: 2, 5, 16) In the story of the rich man and Lazarus, our father Abraham said to the rich man, “Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things” (Lk 16: 25).
On the other hand those whose reward will be great in heaven are those who conceal the ego and do every virtue secretly before their heavenly Father who sees in secret and rewards openly (Mt 6), and those who always say “not I”.
“Not I”:
An example is St. Paul the Apostle who said about his successful ministry, “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.” (1 Cor 15: 10) He repeated the same meaning, saying, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me” (Gal 2: 20)
Ministers should not seek glorification of the ego, but rather say:
“Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but to Your name give glory.” (Ps 115: 1) This is the way St. John the Baptist followed, refusing all glory and transferring it to the Lord Christ, saying his everlasting words, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” “He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled.” (Jn 3: 29, 30)
The words “Not I” are not required only in our relationship with God, but also in our relationship with each other. With respect to honor, we should give preference to one another (Rom 12: 10); and with respect to superiority, we should follow the command of the Lord, “Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave” (Mt 20: 26, 27) With respect to places, there is the Lord##s command to leave the best places to those of the type of the scribes and Pharisees who love such places (Mt 23: 6). Even if first places are offered to us, we ought to say, ##Not I, but my brother is more deserving.## This is the way to a life of humbleness.