Many people paint their own faulty, presumptuous, portrait-like picture for what their marriage is going to be like…
Sure, we are all different, so each one of us will have a different twist at that very portrait, but let’s face it, at least the majority of the things that factor into the equation when you dream about finally getting “married,” we can all agree upon to some extent…
We all expect our marriage to “complete” us in a form or another, making us “perfect” not lacking anything…
And within the right context, that’s true to an extent, yet, I am focusing on the wrong presumptuous ideas that needs to be redefined for the all of us.
I’m coming into a marriage expecting that my other half will comply by my every demand, they will be like my missing arms and legs that I need in order to be a superhuman.
They should even fulfill my every demand without even me saying it, they should have the ability to read my mind, after all I have chosen them out of a thousand other individuals specifically for that role, right…?
WRONG WRONG WRONG…
Your partner is NOT a gadget you own, he or she is not your maid, slave, chauffeur, personal secretary, cook, laundry service, personal gardener, mechanic, electrician, your garbageman, your ATM machine or your “love making device” for that matter…
Your partner, is your “equal,” the person that is supposed to fill “the undeniable need” for you to be with another individual & hence, fill the void of the loneliness in your heart, by sharing your “every” moment in “your” life.
This is a mutual partnership, where your “life” partner, gets to be sharing with you & you with them, your very own lives, including living together in the same house, sharing the same bedroom, car, food, money, basically everything you previously owned by your own is now shared with your partner, with everything they previously had on their own terms as well with you.
It’s a “life,” that is being shared, “together,” among two people, as “one.”
Your wife or your husband is not a robot to comply by your every command, neither are they to complete your every weakness, HOWEVER, they are there by your side to help you through your journey, to hold your hand & make sure that you walk through that journey together, because there is “Strength in Unity.”
You are stronger together & two is always better than one, fighting the good fight and standing in the gap, you always need a partner to get your back.
Those of you who work out, you are well aware that you need a “spotter,” to catch you or the weight you are lifting when you can’t do it on your own.
Imagine how much more in marriage, a “life partner” is of a great value & an addition to both of your lives.…
Your partner has weaknesses just as you do, each one has their own weaknesses in life, but when we are together, we help each other to work on our weaknesses towards perfection, so that we can be both “complete” each other in unity, love, understanding, harmony, in an imperfect world.
That doesn’t mean that we become perfect or faultless, absolutely not, but as we see the lack of perfection in each other, we help ourselves to build each other up, in a loving humble way. NOT in a dominant, bossy manner, like I’m helping you because I am better than you in this area.
Not At All, yet, it is because that I love you and I want you to be better than myself in this area, that’s why I see that we can work on this matter furthermore together, for I noticed, that there is a great room for improvement for you to shine in this field.
Your loving partner, should also do the same for you, whenever they see you battering against the waves in your life, to help you improve & further refine your skills, whenever you are stuck in a place & you are unable to see the light once more.
That’s when you need your “spotter,” your life partner, to help you, to give you the push you need or redirect you to a different path whenever deemed necessary.
Always in humility and in love, can a real change take place, never by force or the exertion of power, will yield to any behavioral transformation, on the contrary, it will very much fire back right in your face.
This is called understanding “marriage” the right way…
It is when we come to a point of mutual consent out of love, that we can really help each other into becoming the best version of ourselves both individually & together as “one” in spirit.
It is when I’m humble enough & I’m willing to let go of my own “ego,” and selfish pride; that’s when I can really grow the most & help my partner grow with me for the better of themselves and a better version of “us.”
The key to understanding is humility. By having humility among our midst, we can truly love and create harmony between us. To the extent that we can even present to each other our own mistakes and faults, not afraid about exposing oneself to the other partner, or to strip ourselves completely naked (figure of speech), before each other, because we have the full assurance, that my partner loves me unconditionally to the very end & my partner will not condemn me for my own mistakes, but rather help me work on them, as we work on ourselves into becoming a better “one.”
Together, we are stronger,
Together, we can conquer,
Together, we build others along the way to learn from our downfalls,
Together, we stand for greatness, achievements and a better version of “us,”
Together, we stand, no longer as separate people, but as “one” ready to face the world’s many challenges,
Together, we continue to learn, to work on our mistakes, to understand each other more as we build each other up in love.
This is not a partnership where one party takes 49 per cent the other takes 51 per cent neither is it a 50-50 partnership; this is a 100 per cent “LIFE COMMITMENT” all the way, since the first moment that you say “I do” on the altar, until death do you “both” part.
Bless you in The Name of The Lord,
Emmanuel Ghali (Mano)
Accredited Christian Counselor, AACC