Watani publishes in its Arabic paper issue this Sunday, 15 May, its first venture on a highly sensitive topic, one that is stigmatised and condemned by all levels of Egypt’s community. The topic, homosexuality, has been boldly addressed by Watani’s reporter Nora Naguib who felt a humane and professional obligation to shed light on the issue and explain many facts which the community at large appears to have decided to shelf, just to play it safe. The social stigma linked to homosexuality has led the entire society to denounce, condemn, and avoid the issue under the guise of guarding chastity and honour. Only a small portion chooses to swim against the tide by delving into the painful details of this file, with the aim of giving credit to those who have been saved and giving hope to those still struggling.
Reactions to homosexuality diverge widely between East and West. Oriental communities stigmatise, scandalise, and shame homosexuals, whereas the western world accepts, acknowledges, and justifies them. However, the answer to homosexuality is not oriental exclusion or western integration. If we in the east consider homosexuals straying sinners, we are under an obligation to accept them and provide them with opportunities for revision, correction, and a way back on track as healthy people.
I must own that I hesitated before I decided to publish a story on homosexuality in Watani, anticipating readers’ response to the story. What tipped the balance in favour of publishing, however, was my confidence that the story courageously and candidly exposes harsh details tightly related to the topic. The story also offers a real path to recovery, giving hope and shedding light on means for ultimate freedom.
I decided to present the story myself to readers through Watani’s editorial, lest anyone doubts that this controversial material found its way to the paper without the editor-in-chief’s full consent.
The story presents the case of Mariam Bebawy, a young woman in her thirties who, following an arduous journey of years of homosexuality and drug abuse, became a therapist, writer and artist. Ms Bebawy’s journey was one of hardship, torment and humiliation, but it is worth acknowledging and reporting, especially that it represents a lifeline for all those who believe they are swamped and have no way out.
Watani’s reporter Ms Naguib met Ms Bebawy in the context of a counselling session offered by the church of the Holy Virgin and Anba Abra’am’s in the populous neighbourhood of Faysal, Giza. Ms Naguib felt nonplussed by Ms Bebawy’s nerve and candour, pained at her suffering, and gripped by her initiative to break into the swamp that engulfed drug addicts and homosexuals.
I here am presenting excerpts of Ms Bebawy’s story.
Mariam Bebawy was raised in a family of seven, who left their hometown in Upper Egypt to settle down in Cairo. The move did nothing to change any outdated social customs or traditions, among them the preferential treatment mothers give their sons compared to their daughters. Mariam was the youngest child in the big family; her being furthermore a girl led her parents to see her as their life’s mistake. She says she was totally neglected by her mother, and her father treated her very harshly, often hitting her for what she saw as no reason at all. Mariam grew up in constant terror and insecurity, lacking esteem and an identity to do her honour, and feeling worthless.
“I hated home and took to the street,” Mariam says, “despising my weakness and my mother’s weaknesses as well; I hated being female and felt I was a disgrace.
“Feeling I was in a jungle [where no one cared for me and where only the strong survive], I suppressed my pain and got used to not talking to anyone of what went on inside me; no one listened to me anyway, everybody said I was deranged and rude.”
Mariam says that with time she came to increasingly resent her weak femininity which brought on her almost interminable condemnation; she separated herself from it. “More and more I yearned to be a man,” she said. “I entered the macho world which offered strength and self-protection. I started smoking heavily. As I entered more and more into the world of men and resented my femininity, I felt confused, no longer knowing to which side I belonged. I realise that I was a victim of my parent’s harsh neglect, and had missed out on my mother’s tenderness; a man’s world was the stronger and more distinguished.
“I had negative feelings towards God whose protection I missed. To make matters worse, a few clergy made me feel I was a sinner who will perish in hell; they required me to repent. I felt bewildered; how could I feel the love God the Father who I cannot see, while I never felt love from the earthly father I lived with?
“My need for a tender mother never left me; it increased by the day. That was when I started a sexual relation with a woman of the same age as my mother. My homosexual leaning overwhelmed me and ‘strangled’ me; I attempted suicide more than once. But God aborted all my attempts at suicide, and I could not see then but now I see that He wanted me for a specific mission.
“God arranged for my salvation through a young woman I got to know. She freely gave me pure love and friendship. Her love made me see her as a mother figure. I was gripped by this relationship which I adored; I loved her pure femininity. At this point I decided to seek treatment in order to put an end to my torment. I felt that God had intentionally put this young woman on my path. I decided to study counselling to help myself. I started experiencing peace, and felt that God was taking me in His embrace; I still missed my mother’s love, tenderness and embrace, but I started conciliating with my feminine identity. I also started feeling special and successful, and experienced a reconciliation with God. Engulfed with peace, I experienced a desire to forgive all who had harmed me, and I realised that my parents who had deprived me of their love had probably never received any themselves.”
Ms Bebawy told Watani that she feels she is invited to participate in the treatment and recovery of those who live the sufferings that she experienced. “I am certain that our loving God will not punish me; He will not turn His back on me when I sin, because he sees all my depths. He has granted me compassion with those who are victim of drug addiction, and empathy with their pain. I know they cannot change their reality until God intervenes and shows them the tip of the recovery thread, but this only if they desire it.”
Ms Bebawy said that her experience made her realise why God created us, and how He deals with us. “God has created this beautiful femininity in me,” she said, “because He is a caring friend who sees me beautiful in all states, and will always accept me.”
Her ardent advice to parents: “Shower your children with love so that they do not seek it elsewhere.”
Watani International
14 May 2022
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