The answer simply is, the lack or poor communication between the couple.
A scarce or no Communication is a #1 killer key factor in any relationship.
It is the most crucial & vital element that can either make it or break it in a relationship.
Without proper communication among couples, how can there possibly coexist a symphony, a harmony, or a beautiful melody ever to be heard among the midst of the couple one more time…?
Communication will always be the #1 essence that will keep any relationship going.
Without me understanding your needs and complying with them, how can this possibly work?
If one partner is constantly speaking without listening, how can he or she ever perceive the needs of the other partner?
How will I know the best means to assist you, if I don’t know you at all to begin with?
Spending time together is of extreme importance, yet, spending that time together for the sake of knowing each other, finding our likes and dislikes, is definitely exceedingly more important as opposed to just having a good time at the movies.
The communication stage has to coexist before “the relationship” is ever born between your midst.
Good communication is advised from day #1 whenever this relationship is out of the shell.
If however, you are already married or in the premarital stage, start knowing each other, listen to each other, watch the body language of each other, how the body language portrays the reaction of your partner, the tone of voice while executing a specific action, is equally important in order to perceive the personality of your partner.
On the other hand, if you have been married for a couple of years & you are both losing at love and you can’t figure out why your marriage is failing, it could very much be due to the lack of good or any sort of communication between the both of you from the very start.
Communication could be verbal, sensual, facial movement, or even silent.
Not all sorts of communication have to be verbal, by the look of your eyes, I can tell what you’re thinking about without you saying a word if I really know who you really are.
But also from your facial expressions, I can easily determine if you love me, hate me or want to attack me.
To be able to read your partner signals is very important.
He or she may be communicating a silent message to you, which they need for you to grasp before they snap out of it, unleashed their anger or needs of emotions, tenderness & love from you.
Emotions could be expressed either positively or negatively, I can either want you or have nothing to do with you altogether.
Being able to read my signs will greatly help in the building process of this relationship.
Being able to determine my mood from my tone of voice is of significant importance as well.
Really investing in knowing each other way before marriage will progress towards a much richer & a stronger “bond” among your midst for a very long time.
Because if we have invested the time trying to discover ourselves & each other needs, wants and being able to work with them, we would have been able to understand each other without even uttering a word.
By simply knowing each other on the uttermost personal level.
The reason an ugly divorce happens is that we get to a point where we don’t know each other at all.
Of course, communication is not the only reason why the divorce occurred, nonetheless, it is the main reason that led to the divorce.
Whether it is marital unfaithfulness, drug abuse, alcoholism, losing a job, the loss of a parent, child, definitely something has happened which we didn’t talk about among our midst, which finally led to this ugly divorce.
I find couples saying, one of the reasons I didn’t tell her or him, is because they don’t really know me. We don’t really know each other anymore, it’s like two aliens living with each other in the same house, staying together for the sake of the kids or because of the social image within our society.
Well, there is a reason why you don’t know each other; it is because you never have communicated “love” between the both of you from day one to begin with.
The only reason that you can’t understand your partner, is because you never tried to invest or put the effort in order to get to know them as much as you have wanted.
The reasons which might have prevented you from communicating your emotional needs for love, attention, anger, or need of being comforted, with your spouse, was because you jumped to the conclusion that neither of you really knows each other.
Furthermore, that’s exactly the reason why your spouse hasn’t been communicating with you from the beginning either.
Presumably, mistakenly thinking that your partner should know it all because they were so blessed to marry you, is exactly why you are getting this ugly divorce.
Assuming that a certain mindset should already preexist on its own out of the blue, DOES NOT make it real, it’s only alive in your own fantasy, NOT in real life.
Instead of daydreaming about something, you should have tried communicating, it would have saved your marriage & saved you a great deal of depression throughout your marital relationship.
The good news is, it’s never too late.
It’s never too late to love, it’s never too late to try to revive the love in the relationship, it’s never too late to win at love again.
Spend time really getting to know each other very closely, as if you are on your honeymoon all over again, but this time, it will be much more rewarding, meaningful, enriching, fruitful & a delightful honeymoon full of hope and love.
For the simple reasons that, you are both undergoing this experience “together,” for the sake of knowing & rediscovering each other anew or for the first time in some cases, and to keep this marriage not only alive but most importantly “successful.”
If you keep communication as the main goal between the both of you, for as long as you shall live together, you can rest assured that, you will enjoy a life of harmony among your midst & whenever any circumstances, regardless of how fortunate or unfortunate it might seem, you will be able to tackle it boldly “together.”
Do not let your arrogance hinder you from enjoying what God Has Ordained for the both of you to have a beautiful and a fruitful marital life.
Humble yourself to get to know your spouse, it’s never too late, it can still save your marriage, even if one partner is willing to fight for it, the love will be “reborn” one more time.
Bless You Dearly in The Name of The Lord.
Emmanuel Ghali (Mano)
Accredited Christian Counselor, AACC