Disaffection means that “love has stopped existing between us”; something is blocking the way of love. It is as if a concrete wall has been built between two people… The love that was once there can no longer be attained.
When disaffection occurs, there can be no communication between partners, love life becomes dead and in turn creates distancing and quitting on each other and, unfortunately, might very well lead to an ugly divorce.
The Earthquake
Everyday pressure is the tsunami that hits marriage the hardest.
Couples go through problems at work or with the children, having to work two jobs to pay the bills, shopping for groceries, hardware adjustments around the house, many repairs to the house itself, doing the laundry, ironing shirts, preparing meals, washing dishes, taking out the trash, taking care of the kids, attending parent meetings at school … the list goes on and on and on…
Anything that causes stress in the daily life of either partners, which would further contribute to the pressure, adds even more logs to further fuel the fire already eating up any affection left in the marital relationship.
We are the microwave generation, we want everything, we need it right this instant, and it has to be to done to perfection.
Reality .., and glimpse of hope
Whenever distancing occurs between a couple and neither of them is willing to fight for the love that existed earlier, life becomes unsustainable between them, anger and quarrels skyrocket, and the relationship ultimately yields a separation between the couple, if not worse…
Miraculously, if one partner is willing to do whatever it takes to win his or her spouse back, there might be still hope to save the relationship.
If one of them seeks counseling, and changes their own attitude in the relationship, even if his/her actions go unnoticed at first; certainly, a behavioral change in their spouse’s relationship will emerge over time. Which will create a ripple effect, and the other partner will certainly come to their senses and willingly attempt to work things out in the marital relationship.
Ideally, when the other unwilling partner finally confers to preserving this relationship and/or, to at least try to work towards saving it; then, I would suggest for both of them to seek professional marriage counseling, since both partners are now in the investing stage and are keen on keeping the marriage alive.
The Mistake
There exists a widely held misconception, where we misinterpret the meaning of a very important form factor for a successful marital relationship; and that is: “to have a live, vivid, ongoing communication with your partner all day long, all year long.”
Mistakenly, we presume that if we just see each other for a couple minutes during the day, have a conversation while flying across the room, talking breakfast in the kitchen, while doing a gazillion of things, such as: looking for your keys, checking the newspaper, searching for your wristwatch, and whatnot; falsely, you consider all of this chaos that you have just created, as having spent some quality time with your spouse.
Boy, aren’t you GREATLY mistaken…?
The Solution
Spending quality time with your spouse, means that you put the entire world to a sudden stop, giving your ultimate and full attention to your partner with all of your senses intact for at least 20 minutes per day, every day; then, you can have some brief moments of chatting or texting, throughout the day with your spouse, in order for the both of you to be in the loop with each other with everything that’s going on among your
In order to create a healthy relationship in a marital life, you need to invest in this marriage, make time for your spouse, they are the only thing you will ever end up winning at the very end.
It doesn’t matter if you get paid a $1trillion per day yet remain completely absent from your house all the time, all year long due to some extra work affairs. Whether it be traveling, spending excess hours at work, board meetings, new clients, or whatever the case might be, it is still unacceptable.
Sure, money can be viewed as a gateway or a mean, in order to provide for the family, but by NO means, it is meant to be favored over your family.
Under no given circumstances, shall your job be your #1 priority in life.
The idea resides in the undeniable fact that God Has Entrusted you with your spouse, in order for her/him to become your ultimate priority in life right after God. Your spouse is your responsibility, your duty, and should be your uttermost importance over any other activity in life. Your family should be prioritised even over your service, because managing your house is your #1 service. If you cannot be successful in putting your own household in order, how can you be trusted with The House of God?
We often fall in the error of mistakenly thinking that we are still single, only living just for the sake of ourselves but, friends, this shouldn’t be the case. You are no longer living as a single man or a single woman anymore, but you are rather “living” for your family which God Has placed in your hands.
It’s important to comprehend that you are building men and women in your household, to be either functional in society or not.
How you choose to spend your time will definitely define the shape of your current and future household.
This is a huge responsibility, if ever wasted, no amount of money in the whole wide world could ever possibly compensate for its loss.
In Conclusion:
Think wisely my friend, these are the ways that can actually make a relationship successful. Without it, you will undergo the pain and agony that occurs in every failed relationship.
Investing your time in your marital relationship is the ultimate key to your success as a family on the individual level, and will even secure your success in society, whenever you raise healthy young men and women for God and for the nation.
Regardless of how big benefits you might reap out of your monetary investment and activity, it will all yield to nothing if you don’t have your family by your side when it all collapses and you hit rock bottom.
Choose love, fight for it, because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so do it right.
These are real life lessons learnt over my lifespan, while witnessing the lives of many individuals across the years…
God Bless you all…
humbly,
Emmanuel Ghali (Mano)
Accredited Christian Counselor, AACC
