How to prevail over the ego and consequently over pride?
How to prevail over the ego may be briefed in the following points:
WATANI International
16 October 2011
Self-restraint:
Fasting and chastity are means of self-restraint to control the fleshly desires. Self-restraint should also extend to the soul##s inclinations, represented in the desire to show up and seek greatness or worldly pleasures. Blessed is the person who watches over himself and resists any deviation, convincing himself to enjoy the relationship with, which is far better. Resist hard so that you may ensure eternal life, for whoever pampers himself will be at risk of perdition. Slackening in self-control will make the ego rebel against any spiritual action. But prevailing over the self will help a person attain the real glory, rather than the outer appearances of greatness, pleasure, and fame, for the Psalmist says, “The royal daughter is all glorious within.” (Ps 45: 13)
Truly the spiritual pleasure of prevailing over oneself exceeds by far all fleshly pleasures.
If you want to edify yourself, prevail over your outward aspirations so that you may edify yourself internally. Then you will have God within and will see yourself rising toward eternal life.
Asceticism therefore is a means of curing the ego.
By asceticism you can edify yourself not only in the present life, but also in the coming life. As Joseph the Righteous stored wheat for years to come, you likewise ought to store what may benefit you on that day when you stand before the Just Judge. And as the wise virgins stored oil in their vessels until the coming of the Groom (Mt 25), you also ought to store oil of the Holy Spirit##s work in you. Conquer your ego concerning the worldly matters, because the world is passing away, and the lust of it (1 Jn 2: 17). True victory is victory over oneself rather over the others.
As for the others, it is better to win them rather than to prevail over them, for he who wins souls is wise (Prov 11: 30). Prevailing over the other is easy, but prevailing over oneself needs struggling.
Love and serving the others is another cure for the ego.
Go beyond the self prison to the others.
Say with the Psalmist says, “Bring my soul out of prison.” (Ps 142: 7) The hardest prison is that of the ego, come out of it then, and join the others in love, service and ooperation.
Certainly, one who is conquered by self-love will not care about the love of the others.
Go beyond self-focus, and you will find pleasure and satisfaction in caring about the others, for they will love you in turn.
Move from the scope of receiving to the scope of giving.
Practice at giving the others, whether service, time, love, effort, or help, and developing in this, will bring one to give even oneself, which is the utmost thing a person may attain in prevailing over the ego.
Since greed is a fault of the ego, giving will be the cure.
One should practice at giving continually, freely, and with tenderness and gentleness. Receiving thanks from the others will bring a person satisfaction, and extending assistance to them is capable of changing his heart and filling him with noble feelings. This will lead to more giving and more service from his part to please the others.
In this case he will get used to labor for the sake of the others.
He will not seek his own comfort, but the comfort of the others. The more he grows in caring about the others, the more he will grow unto the life of consecration, where a person gives his whole life for the others. A selfish person, on the contrary, will build his own comfort on the fatigue of the others.
Humbleness is another cure of the ego.
A person who continues in self-love will always seek the growth of the self, and even to be greater than anyone else. The cure is to put before one##s eyes the words of the apostle, “In honor giving preference to one another.” (Rom 12: 10) The elderly spiritual father likewise says, ##wherever you are, be the least of your brothers, and their servant.## That is why Lord Christ says, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” (Mk 9: 35)
The virtue of taking the lowest place, i.e. the rank, not the space:
Do not imagine yourself the most important, nor your opinion is the most valuable and your position is the most significant! Do not imagine that you should be obeyed and revered by everybody! Do not give yourself certain honor and compel the others to respect it. Rather, let the others honor you for what they see of your humbleness and meekness. Honoring the others is an inner feeling that cannot be imposed but felt towards those who deserve it. You can force somebody to obey you, but you cannot force anybody to honor you.
In your association with the others, you should be a breeze, not a storm.
Many prefer to be a storm, because a storm implies power, while breeze represents meekness and gentleness, characteristics of self-denial. In your humbleness, do not give preference to yourself at the expense of the others, and do this with deep love and humbleness, without hypocrisy.
In your humbleness say within you, ##Who am I, but mere dust and ashes?##
Say further, ##Before dust I was nothing. God created the dust before creating me then created me of that dust!## In this way self-conceit will disappear.
Self-condemnation is a virtue attained by humbleness.
A person who is ego-stricken feels self-righteous, never apologizes when wrong, for actually seeing himself always right. Such a person likewise never takes the initiative of reconciliation in case of any misunderstanding with the others, for, considering himself not wrong he waits for the other party to take the initiative! With this conviction he may even refrain from confessing his sins to God!
The cure is to judge and condemn oneself without bias.
One should condemn oneself before oneself, before God, before the father confessor, and before the others if required. Condemnation should be with humbleness, without laying blame on the others, as our father Adam and our mother Eve did (Gen 3). Condemnation should not be accompanied by self-justification or insistence on self-righteousness.
Actually, a person can correct himself and his way only when he stops glorifying himself and tries continually to cleanse away his faults and shortcomings, judging and blaming himself.
Pope Theophilus once visited the cells area and asked the father of that mount about what virtues they had attained, and that father answered the Pope saying, ##Believe me, father, no virtue is better than laying blame on oneself for everything.## Such is the spiritual way by which a person can correct himself, not to blame the others or the surrounding circumstances, nor to blame God, thinking that God did not provide him with the necessary help!
Would that we judge ourselves here on earth, that we may escape condemnation on the Last Day! When we judge ourselves we are near to repentance, by which the Lord may forgive us our sins. On the other hand in not judging ourselves due to self-esteem, we will continue in our sins and will not improve, but rather will be under judgment. St. Anthony truly says in this context:
##If we judge ourselves, the Judge will be pleased with us.##
##If we remember our sins, God will forget them.##
##If we forget our sins, God will remember them.##
Moreover, judging oneself will help one to reconcile with the others by a mere word of apology, admitting that one is wrong and the other party is right. This would put an end to the anger of the other party and bring reconciliation. But if the person continues in justifying his stand, the other party will condemn him harder. See the beautiful words St. Macarius the Great says, ##Judge yourself, brother, before you are judged.##
As a cure for the ego, put before you the model of the Lord Christ.
The first man was conquered by the ego, when he wanted to be like God (Gen 3: 5), so the Lord Christ corrected this weakness and blessed our nature in Himself, He “made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men.” (Phil 2: 7)
The Lord Christ lived on the earth in poverty, having nowhere to lay His head (Lk 9: 58), with no official post in the society, not caring about His dignity, “He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth” “He was numbered with the transgressors.”(Isa 53: 7, 12) He did not defend Himself, but rather denied and humbled Himself to lift us up. He stood as guilty that we may be justified. He did not focus on Himself but on us. Is this not a lesson we should learn from Him whose greatness is limitless! Is it not a lesson to us who are fought with the ego, though we are nothing!
If the Lord Christ has emptied Himself from the true glory, then you ought to empty yourself from all false glory.
(Refer on this point in our book “Contemplations on the Nativity” for here is not place for it.)
The exercise of walking the second mile is another cure for the ego.
The Lord Christ says, “If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.” (Mt 5: 40, 41) “But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” (Mt 5: 39) The Lord wanted us to be oppressed rather than oppressors, to be crucified, rather than crucifiers. Do not avenge yourself. The ego wants to avenge itself here on the earth, and as immediately as possible, whereas the teaching of the Lord is self-denial, “I tell you not to resist an evil person.” (Mt 5: 39) Although He said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay” (Rom 12: 19), yet we should not seek it ourselves, for the Scripture also says that love does not seek its own (1 Cor 13: 5), because love is far from the ego.
Another exercise for prevailing over the ego is that which the apostle describes with the words, “It is no longer I who live.” (Gal 2: 20)
But let this point for discussion next week, God willing.